She’d only been gone only a short time. To me it seemed forever. It was at least long enough that I feared I’d forget what her voice sounded like any day. I was stubborn, though, and angry, even bitter.
Not him though. I thought he was naïve to still have hope. I’d given up soon after her short-lived effort died. Somehow he never did. Naivety, I thought.
This time, she answered. My heart jumped. I pushed it back down quickly so he wouldn’t notice. Trying to be inconspicuous I studied him. He filled with excitement and he made his request of her.
I knew what she’d say. I remembered her tones, her ups and downs, and where she’d pause. I remembered the shape of her lips, even. I could see them moving. I imagined the wrinkle lines around her mouth from smiling. It was all burned in my mind.
Sometimes I’d even imitate her, or worse, I’d catch myself sounding like her unintentionally and stop immediately. I’d try to shake her out of myself, forget about her.
He gripped the phone with both hands so hard that his knuckles were turning white, leaving his fingertips bright pink. I imagined him gripping her legs that way if she were here, begging her to pick him up so he could feel her hair and smell that mom smell.
I hovered at a safe distance pretending to read. I ached to hear her voice. I listened as hard as I could without letting on. I strained my ears until they hurt. I wished he would loosen his grip on the receiver so the sound of her voice would pour out and fill the room.
His cheeks started to crumble. He turned his lashes down. They were sticking together in clumps from the wetness and shining. He pressed his lips together and they turned slightly downward as his chin filled with dimples like those in a golf ball. Leaning forward, his shoulders started to rise up, and his chin down, like he was trying to hide in side himself.
Ok, he said in the most even voice he could. He hung up the phone and stepped down off the chair he used to reach it. Only a few years his elder, I stared at him burning with anger and resentment at the power she still had.
He squeezed my waist so hard I thought my hip bones might tear through by skin. Sadness seeped through. More than anything, I wished it would run out from between us, and soak into the carpet.